


Human Tradition

by IntuitivelyFortuitous



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, McSpirk Holiday Fest, Mistletoe, Multi, Prompt Fill, Triumvirate, holiday fic, many kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntuitivelyFortuitous/pseuds/IntuitivelyFortuitous
Summary: Kirk uses the convenient tradition of hanging foliage from the ceiling to steal a kiss from two of his senior officers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> From my tumblr account regulationblues.tumblr.com. This was a Mcspirk Holiday Fest gift. 
> 
> Anonymously prompted, the request was: 
> 
> "Spock vs. McCoy and/or Kirk, who are armed with mistletoe and/or the idea that you have to kiss someone at midnight on New Years' Eve. AOS or TOS. Put your own spin on it. Is Spock eager? Is he unwilling? Does he want to pretend he's unwilling, but he's actually curious? Can they even tell how he feels about it all? Is he manipulating McCoy right into his arms while pretending to be uninterested in anybody but Kirk? Does Kirk know how Spock feels about McCoy? Does Spock retaliate against them both with Vulcan traditions of his own? Are the traditions real, or did he invent them just to mess with his friends? Maybe Jim's a sneaky puppetmaster pulling both Spock's and McCoy's strings... with the goal of getting them both right where he wants them. Basically just manipulative scheming holiday triumvirate action with some first-time smooches (and possibly more) at stake. X-D"

“Jim, what are you doing?”

“I don’t know, Bones, why don’t you get closer and take a look?” Jim said, stretching precariously from the chair he was balancing on. It was mistletoe, the real stuff, or something like it. He had found it in an exotic plant market on the planet Tehariid. Why it had been there was as much a mystery to him as it had been to the ensigns he was with, but given the time of year, he couldn’t help himself. He was going to hang it from the sickbay door if he darn well wanted to. 

Bones gave him the stink eye. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to hang a poisonous plant in front of a sterile medical area?”

He winced. 

“And you never know how the non humans will react. I know at least three who will try to eat it on sight. Scotty too, if you’d let him.”

Jim sighed. He looked down at Bones’ crossed arms and lifted eyebrow. “If I replicate a plastic one, would that be more acceptable?”

“That’s better,” he said, “but not necessarily ideal.”

“I knew you’d have some holiday spirit left in you,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few!” 

“Hey!” Bones shouted as he hopped off of the chair and out the door, “that doesn’t mean you can hang it here! Damn, kid, I never thought I’d say this, but use your logic!”

Jim rolled his eyes. “As if I don’t get enough of that on the bridge. You’ve been hanging around my dear first officer way too much. Does his Vulcan emotion not bother you anymore?” 

“Now that’s just rude.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “I dunno, I think it’s kinda—”

“Do _not_. And take that down before I take it down for you,” Bones said, punching a vial into a hypospray and sliding it into a drawer. 

He huffed. Jim knew that irritating his friend was likely to get him kicked rather than kissed, but it was fun anyway. He really didn’t want to remove it. Some green on the ship could do them all some good. It wasn’t just the Terrans who would find comfort in seeing foliage. Still, he got where Bones was coming from. As high spirited as his crewmembers were, he didn’t want any of them having fatal reactions to a poisonous plant. It was a miracle that hadn’t broken out in hives himself. 

“I’ll take it down if you test it out,” he said. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Ohhh, come on!”

Leonard crossed his arms and sat down on the edge of a biobed. He gave Jim a look that made him want to sneak out the door. “Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing, kid. I’ve never seen you celebrate the holidays in any other way than peppermint Jello shots, and you and I both know that half the crew isn’t human much less Christian. What are you playing at?”  
He batted his eyelashes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, isn’t the origin of it Norse or something?” 

Maybe it was something about Bones’ attitude that made him want to use his skills for evil. Maybe it was just that he saw an opportunity and he had decided to take it. It was true that he was adding his own little twist to the holiday decorating, but, well. Nobody said he was lacking in creativity.

He left Bones to his work and retreated to the replicator in the officer’s recreational area. It was a cold little room, two or three tables around a tri-faced monitor. There was a replicator in the back that only created food products (and not very good ones, at that). He could reprogram it easily enough. Spock wouldn’t find him and he would be free to go through with his schemes.

 

His plan went as follows:

Fake mistletoe had been placed at the entrance to the bridge, the center of the dining area, and in front of Bones’ office in the sickbay. It was effective, too. Once word got around about the scandalous human tradition, he had the entire crew participating. New sprigs that he had nothing to do with had found in the holodecks, lower recreational areas, and the science lab. He ended up pecking Uhura on the cheek (god, that was awkward) and Chekov on the forehead. Scotty, possibly as revenge for calling his kilt ‘aesthetically unattractive,’ nailed Spock right on the lips. Both of them had looked mildly horrified for the better part of two hours. Even Bones and Christine had shared what could easily have been the cutest platonic kiss ever seen by mankind. 

And yet, against all odds, both of his targets had managed to escape being caught by him. He had thought about putting up one over the door of each of their rooms, but that would have been so obvious that it bordered on pathetic. He had to come up with a better strategy. If he could just win over Bones, Spock would be a piece of cake. There was strength in numbers, right? 

And so Jim had concocted a better solution: peer pressure. 

There was an event that night—the science crew had been patching together an old holovid for a while to break the monotony. They were planning to show it that night on an entertainment deck. He enlisted the help of Rand and Christine, both of whom were mischievous enough to cater to his strange whims, to rig a pulley system in the center of it. When he and Bones got to a certain place on the floor (marked by a little X in electrical tape) Rand would push a button to send the plant sailing to the ceiling. Flawless, if he did say so himself. 

Bones was a hardass around most of the crew, that was obvious enough. Very few knew that he valued making them happy as much as he did making them healthy. Jim smiled as he remembered at all the times Bones had overridden the lock on his quarters to show up with whiskey or a movie. It was just another factor that contributed toward Jim’s affection for him. So if they were around enough smiles and pleasant nudging, he wouldn’t stand a chance. 

He went to fetch Bones from his quarters at 20:00. 

“Knock knock.”

“Gimme a second, I’ll be right out,” he said from inside.

“Sure.”

There was the sound of fabric being thrown to the ground and a chair sliding before the door finally hissed open. Bones had his hair back a little nicer today. It probably wouldn’t have been noticeable to anyone else, but, well, Jim had been paying special attention. 

“Looking sharp. Ready?”

“Yeah. I’m not thirteen, you know. I would have made it without you.”

Jim laughed. “It’s customary.”

“For what?” Bones raised an eyebrow. “A date?”

Relishing the rush of warmth that spread from his neck to his back, Jim just smiled. 

“What are they playing again, anyway?” Bones asked, stepping through the doors to the turbolift. 

Jim shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not sure that anyone does.”

They waited for the buzz of the machinery to quiet and the glass doors to flip open before they stepped out. A few people were already making their way. It was far before the time scheduled to actually watch the movie. Jim had chosen the merciful route. He wasn’t going to put Bones through the embarrassment of _everyone_ watching. Just enough for Jim’s purposes. He saw Uhura and Sulu sitting down in the far end of the room, right where he had anticipated. Now was the time. 

Jim caught Rand’s eye from a ways away. Three steps. Two Steps. There was a _pop_ and Bones, smiling at something Sulu said, was witness only to a green shape flying from under a table in front of him to rest over his head. 

“What the hell?” he said, voice drawing more eyes. 

Jim forced himself not to burst out laughing. “Don’t look at me, I didn’t do it.”

“In no way am I ever going to believe that you didn’t have something to do with this,” Bones muttered. 

“It’s tradition,” Jim said, “You have to.”

“Like hell I have to!”

There was a chorus of “Come on, Doctor!” Jim grinned. He could see his resolve weakening already. 

“If I had to kiss Spock, you’ve got to kiss the Captain!” shouted Scotty. Jim grinned and gave him a thumbs up. 

“Indeed,” Spock said. Jim hadn’t seen him when he walked in the room. “Besides yourself, it would seem as though many have been subject to this ritual. Perhaps participation would be…enlightening.”

He gaped. Of all things coming from his first officer, that was not one that he had expected. Bones looked about as shocked as he felt. Maybe Spock wouldn’t be so hard to win over after all. 

Bones glared. “Enlightening, huh? You mean to tell you that he’s caught you unawares as well?”

“Not as of yet, doctor.”

Was there a slight emphasis on yet? Oh god, Jim hoped so. 

“Doctor,” Christine said, emerging from her place beside Rand, “Do it. I’ve even got a camera. It’ll be cute!”

“Oh, hell, Chris, that is the last thing I ever wanted to hear.”

Jim tugged on Bones’ sleeve. “C’mon.”

Bones opened his mouth, closed it again, and blushed bright red. “Asshole. It’s not the third date yet,” he said with a hint of a smile. 

Jim laughed. When he saw permission in his friend’s eyes, he gently pressed their lips together. Bones let out a little squeak, an extremely adorable one, but he didn’t move away—he did the opposite. There were cheers from their little crowd, and didn’t let go as quickly as he should have. How could he when Bones was kissing him back?  
Someone cleared their throat and they both jumped. 

“Dammit, Jim,” Bones said. 

Jim rolled his eyes. 

They sat next to each other, a little closer than they had been before, until Bones’ communicator had chimed halfway through the movie. He had mumbled ‘it’s always engineering,’ squeezed Jim’s shoulder, glanced at Spock, and snuck out through the back door. Jim was starting to suspect that the looks the two of them had been sharing might be more significant than he thought. He had initially thought that they were just lovesick glances. Now it looked like they were sharing conversations, and judging by the circumstances, he might be the topic. Well. He supposed that he wasn’t the only one with the right to plot. 

The movie ended with a literal bang and a flourish. It had been quite the action movie. Jim was amazed by the things that came out of the 22nd century. He was still chuckling by the time he got to the bridge, ready to do another systems check before bed, and he was so distracted that he physically ran into Spock. At the door. At the entrance where he had placed the mistletoe, where he had been more or less ambushed by a female crew member or two, and where Spock had been permanently traumatized by Scotty. 

“Shit, sorry, Spock, I was in my own head for a bit there.” 

“I take it to mean that you were not attentive to your surroundings, in which case I agree.” Spock tilted his head. “Your heart rate is elevated. Is something affecting you?”

Jim swallowed. “Something, yeah.”

“Perhaps you should see Doctor McCoy,” he suggested. 

“That would be the least helpful thing that I could do,” he said with a smirk. 

“I see.”

Jim shook his head. Yes, he wanted to kiss Spock, and yes, that was why he had put up the mistletoe, but he thought he was fairly adept at body language. Spock wasn’t sending any of the signals that indicated interest. Maybe he had been wrong before. He stepped to the side. 

“Don’t worry about me Spock. I’ll let you get back to your business.”

Spock hesitated. “You seem to value human tradition,” he said. 

“Well, I mean, in some regards…oh. Oh.” What was implied by tradition finally clicked. “Spock, am I reading this wrong? You and Bones. You and me. I had hoped, but…I don’t want to push you into doing anything you don’t want to do,” he said.

Spock raised his hand, two fingers out. Jim glanced at it and back at him. Vulcans. Hands. Tradition. _Oh._

He grinned and slid his own fingers against Spock’s, feeling the deep reservoir of emotions that he had always knew his first officer to have. He ran his thumb over Spock’s knuckles and watched his eyelids flicker shut. There was very little that was more satisfying. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, bringing Spock’s knuckles to his lips. 

He was pleased to have finally found a way to render the other man speechless. 

 

Three days later, all of his fancy hypoallergenic plastic mistletoe had been taken down. There was an ambassador arriving early the next morning and they thought it best to remove any means of misinterpretation from the ship. He had taken them to the replicator to deconstruct. It had been a bittersweet goodbye—or it would have, had he not kept one. Just one. He had plans.  
His confrontation with Spock had been affirmation enough. He was sure that if Bones had been actively dating Spock, he would have at least let Jim know, but since they were both the least romantically active people that he had ever met, he doubted they would make a move on their own. He would just have to take initiative. Give them all three a kick. 

The lights were dimmed to stimulate nighttime hours in the sickbay. He peeked through the door. As he had hoped, Spock was leaning against Leonard’s desk, saying something about neurons. Jim had rarely seen him so relaxed. Bones had his hands on his hips and his back to the door. The way they were lit by the calming sickbay lights made him want to just sit back and watch, let their voices wash over him. No, there would be plenty of time for watching later on. Jim snuck forward, leaves in hand. Spock caught his eye, of course, what could he expect from a being with superhearing? He pressed his fingers to his lips. Blessedly, Bones didn’t notice him until Jim had hugged him from behind, his arms drawing Bones close to his chest. He let go with one arm and dangled the mistletoe above their heads, above Spock’s head. 

“Jim, you scared the hell out of me. Where did you come from?”

“I flew down from Olympus. Cupid gave me a ride,” he said. 

“Pardon?”

“I believe the captain is referring to what he has above your head.”

Bones glanced up.”You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought we got rid of all that stuff.”

“Not until I’ve done what I came here for,” Jim said, waving it. The white berries clacked together. 

“What you came here for,” Bones repeated, and Jim could feel him shift slightly.

“You ever heard the term ‘good things come in threes?’” he asked, making eye contact with Spock. 

“I believe I have, Jim,” his Vulcan said. 

He grinned. He could feel Bones’ breath hitch against his chest. He thought for sure his friend was going to break out of his arms and bolt for the door, but he just reached for the hand that trapped him against Jim and squeezed it. 

Spock plucked the mistletoe out of the air and stepped forward. Jim suddenly had nowhere to put his hand besides Spock’s neck. They were an odd trio. It was strangely perfect, feeling Spock step forward to kiss Bones, feeling the anticipation and the adrenaline that wove through the three of them. He loved that he could touch both of them at once.  
Spock pulled away and raised a meaningful eyebrow at Jim. 

“Human tradition was an excuse,” he said. 

Bones scoffed. “Well I sure as hell hope so, because if you got the three of us together for kicks, Jim, then we have something to talk about.”

Jim tightened his grip on Bones’ chest and Spock’s shoulder. “Not just for kicks,” he said. 

“Good.”

“Although you can count on the mistletoe coming out again next year.” 

“I would expect nothing less,” Spock said.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out any errors! Seriously please do
> 
> <333


End file.
